The inevitable necessity for change.
I am constantly trying to communicate something incommunicable, to explain something inexplicable, to talk about something I only feel in my bones and which can only be experienced in those bones.
Franz Kafka
Many individuals discover their deepest desire for transformation when they encounter their lowest points, whether in their professional pursuits, personal journeys, or relationships. I can personally attest to my unwavering commitment to this notion, which has succinctly served as a recipe for my adamance toward change. Please don't get me wrong; I've certainly faced my fair share of challenges in my relatively short life, and to be entirely candid, I sometimes doubted my ability to overcome them. I've encountered situations that, in my perspective, could be rightfully categorized as 'rock bottom scenarios.' Despite feeling that these instances should have propelled me toward significant life-altering changes, I often found myself reverting to old habits, no matter how detrimental they may have been. This phenomenon has always intrigued me, and today, I aim to delve deeper into its intricate dynamics. Stay tuned as I explore the subtle yet profoundly impactful facet of change hidden within the crevices of our existence!
As much as I'd like to push aside those discomforting yet persistent thoughts that frequently invade my mind, I can't help but be bothered by the intensifying need for change within me. There was a time when I would easily brush off the opinions of others on this matter (maybe I still do sometimes), convinced that I needed to learn solely from my own experiences. Whether it was a friend or a sibling offering advice, I would often outright reject their counsel, at least until I deemed it absolutely necessary to heed their words (You could call it my unyielding questioner tendency, if you will). However, over the past year or so, I’ve been constantly fighting this unabating urge deep within my soul that continuously beckons me to step into uncharted territories.
I have mentioned earlier that change is terrifying for me. But this has not held me back from taking countless risks. Over the course of my young adulthood years, I've come to embrace the idea that to live fully is to take risks. It may not always be apparent how each choice fits into a grand plan, but with time, the dots connect, revealing why I've arrived precisely where I should be. This mantra has somewhat driven everything I engage in, and almost always serves as my anchor to the speck of hope I cling onto, especially when I feel like there is absolutely no point in holding on.
Contrary to my instincts, I'm choosing to leverage my current circumstances to elaborate further on my perspective. I find myself in an unnervingly unfamiliar phase of my life. While I've identified the areas I need to work on to manifest the life I passionately desire, I can't ignore the rigorous process of self-discovery and, more notably, the unfamiliarity of it all. Every fiber of my being yearns for this new iteration of myself, and my enthusiasm for it is unparalleled. I'm uncertain whether I'm procrastinating the process or simply held back by by my fear of how good life can actually get if I were to commit to it. Nevertheless, one thing remains constant: I must change. The way I have been leading my life is clearly not working for me anymore, and I’m only making myself more miserable by delaying the process.
It's somewhat poignant how there comes a point when the blame game loses its allure, and worse, it's not a decision that anyone else compels you to make. No matter how far you distance yourself from it, this feeling ferociously finds its way to your consciousness. It stealthily creeps in as you drift off to sleep, greets you in the early morning light as you savor breakfast, accompanies you during social outings with friends, and lingers even as you perform the most mundane tasks like brushing your teeth or making your bed. It persists as a relentless torment until you opt to heed the cosmic whispers, urging you towards the journey of self-discovery. This cosmic call isn't a form of cruelty from the universe; it's a gentle mnemonic of life's impermanence— a subtle nudge to acknowledge your mortality here on Earth. It serves as a wake-up call, a reminder that time is limited, and there exists an imperative task at hand — the inner work that guides you back to the depths of your authentic self.
It is crucial to remember then, my dear friend, that life doesn't desire to see you suffer. It finds no pleasure in the mere essence of your insufferable existence. I know it seems so from an outward perspective. But believe me when I tell you this (as someone who has been consumed by a persistent compulsion to analyze every occurrence that crosses her sphere of awareness): the universe wants you to be at peace with yourself above everything else.
In his tender and compassionate manner, Julian Mantle, from Robin Sharma’s book ‘Discover Your Destiny,’ eloquently asserts that human beings are not meant to be enhanced or improved upon. He beautifully conveys that you are already in a state of perfection, for that is who you were when you came into this world. Only as the world began to teach you how to be human did your purity and innocence gradually fade. During this process, we all reluctantly conform to society's rules and expectations, slowly forgetting our true selves that reside deep within. In this regard, I concur with Julian when he strongly reinforces the idea that happiness is indeed our birthright!
You should know that it's perfectly normal to feel apprehensive in the face of these unfamiliar emotions—confusion, anxiety, and even paranoia—when pondering life's profound questions. These emotions are like guiding stars, indicating that we're on the right path, carving our way toward ultimate self-discovery. The real question is: Will you succumb to fear and allow it to dominate your existence? Do you genuinely desire to spend the rest of your days embittered by the world's influence on your journey? Or, do you possess the courage to tread the higher road, opting for a path that illuminates your life with more light, joy, peace, contentment, and happiness?
As for me, I wholeheartedly choose the latter path. I adamantly refuse to merely exist in survival mode. There is an abundance of beauty within this vast universe for me to immerse myself rather than dwell on who or what may have contributed to my brokenness. I am resolute in my refusal to perceive myself as a victim of life's harsh hand. My aim is to savor more sunsets, embrace the rain, cultivate meaningful connections with people, marvel at the delicate flutter of butterflies and the melodies of birds, and relish the splendors of nature as a whole.
By Miriam Bett
Keibeitt7@gmail.com